It's bloody cold

Look at the weather window on the left. It's cold. Bloody cold. As I write this, the temperature in Cochrane is -25. On my way in to work, the radio weather guy said that with the wind chill, it felt like -38 downtown.

I knew the weather gods were being kind to me on my first Alberta winter, but their attention must be elsewhere at the moment.

For those of you who haven't lived through an Alberta winter lately, I'll share what I've learned:

• Any car left outside in this cold will grow a thick layer of ice that must be scraped off before anything even resembling normal visibility is achieved (even if the night has been precipitation-free). If there has been precipitation, you have to brush that off first, then scrape.


• All cars left outside at night (see above) must also be plugged in, or presumably chaos will ensue. All I know is, every night I'm asked "Did you plug the van in?" If I didn't, straws are drawn (or bargains made) and the van gets plugged in (if I didn't get a spot in the garage, that is). To the wall of course. Where the plug goes under the hood I'm not really sure. But I'm pretty sure the plug plays a significant part in keeping hell from freezing over.
  


• The plugging in thing goes for during the day too. When I started this job I was surprised to see posts with outlets in the parking lot. I'm plugged in today.
  


• You know how it's called static electricity? In the dark here, you can actually see the sparks. I'm not kidding. I keep my fleece jammies and Brett's blankie away from the piles of used kleenex. (Makes me wonder if semi-dried-up snot would stop the flames?)
  


• Unmittened hands will start to ache in 2.5 seconds in minus 16 or below. That's for adults. Two-year-olds who don't like wearing their warm winter jackets, hats or mittens will pretty much ache all the time. Except if they like their boots. Then their feet will be ok (at least until they get into the van and kick them off).


• Nylon coats get stiff and crinkly at about -5. Makes me wonder if my hood is going to break off every time I get into the van.